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You Wanted to Be the Shore but Instead You Were the Sea

by Natalie D-Napoleon

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1.
THUNDER RUMOR Set fire to your clothes on the front lawn, You said babe I can find any port in a storm. The phone is telling me that you’re coming home, Every time it rings my blood turns cold. My blood turns cold, my blood turns cold, my blood turns cold, are you coming home? I heard a thunder rumor, I heard a thunder rumor, I heard a thunder rumor, I heard a thunder rumor I heard a thunder rumor, that you’re coming home, But I don’t want to see you anymore. You think I’m yours, and you’re mine, Baby, we were never meant for rain or shine. Lock the windows, bolt the door, Our love don’t live here anymore. Don’t live here, don't live here, Our love don’t live here, anymore more more. I heard a thunder rumor, I heard a thunder rumor, I heard a thunder rumor, I heard a thunder rumor, I heard a thunder rumor, that you’re coming home. Our love don’t live here anymore. Oo-oo oo-oo oo-oo oo-oo I heard a thunder rumor, I heard a thunder rumor, I heard a thunder rumor, I heard a thunder rumor, I heard a thunder rumor, that you’re coming home. Our love don’t live here anymore. Oo-oo oo-oo oo-oo oo-oo Oo-oo oo-oo oo-oo oo-oo
2.
HOW TO BREAK A SPELL Every day for a hundred days I changed my name, I stopped looking in the mirror at my face, I wrote down everything I knew to forget it all, I danced naked in my backyard to the crow’s caw. This is how you break a spell This is how you forget all the stories you tell This is how you break a spell This is how you forget all the stories you tell. Burnt a lock of my lover’s hair in a bowl of clay, I laid down in the middle of the Devil’s Highway, I howled at the yellow moon ‘til my hair turned grey, I was fragile for once took off my brave face. This is how you break a spell This is how you forget all the stories you tell This is how you break a spell This is how you forget all the stories you tell The stories you te-e-e-ell Everybody has a - everybody has a - everybody has a tale to tell And who am I? And who am I? And who am I to break this spell? Pick a dandelion, make a wish, blow those seeds into the air. This is how you break a spell This is how you forget all the stories you tell This is how you break a spell This is how you forget all the stories you tell The stories you te-e-e-ell The stories you te-e-e-ell The stories you te-e-e-ell
3.
Wildflowers 03:12
WILDFLOWERS Don’t bury my body, Don’t burn me to dust, In the field where I lay Let my blood turn to rust. Wildflowers will grow Where my shadow lay down No one will ever know Of the love I lost and found, lost and found. You bought me blue ribbons To tie in my black hair, Fine silks and love poems Your words could take Me anywhere Wildflowers will grow Where my shadow lay down No one will ever know Of the love I lost and found, lost and found. When the fighting started I begged you to stay, But our love was like the green grass That would turn to gold one day. Wildflowers will grow Where my shadow lay down No one will ever know Of the love I lost and found. Wildflowers will grow Where my shadow lay down No one will ever know Of the love I lost and found, lost and found.
4.
THE SECOND TIME AROUND When we got to the airport, Mama asked “Do you know what you’re doing?” I wish that she’d told me how God laughs when we make plans. Man will build his towers and one breath will take them down We used to sit and talk for hours, using that long-distance phone call plan. Now I have worked out this is true: Everything is better the second time around, Everything is better the second time around. Could never have imagined I’d be standing before you today, About to say my wedding vows and start all over again. We are the flowers that grow out of line, Got a second bite of the apple and it’s sweeter this time. Now I have worked out this is true: Everything is better the second time around, Everything is better the second time around. Ah-----ha Ah-----ha Everything is... Everything is... Everything is better the second time around Everything is better the second time around Ah-----ha Ah-----ha Ah-----ha Ah-----ha Ah-----ha.
5.
Soft 05:08
SOFT I can pinch a penny, but I can’t save a dime, The kids are never ready for school on time. I try and I try to dress right, but my skirt’s always too high, I always piss you off when I push your hand off my thigh. You wanted a woman who was soft, but you got one that’s hard, Only you can you melt my heart, I’m not the same girl I used to be, But I might change after everything. If you want to hear the right words, baby don’t come to me, I know you’re a good man, my rock, my wounded knee. But I had to watch my dreams circling the drain, Now I need to find a way to learn to live again. You wanted a woman who was soft, but you got one that’s hard Only you can you melt my heart. I don’t know where I’m going, but I know where I’ve been, I might change after everything. Baby you got that soft touch for my hard-line ways As my stone cold heart told you from the start, Softly, softly or I might break Softly, softly or I might break You wanted a woman who was soft, but you got one that’s hard Only you can melt my heart. I’m not the same girl I used to be, And I might change after everything, And I might change after everything, And I might change after every-every-every-every-thing.
6.
NO LONGER MINE I thought you’d love me once, I thought you’d love me twice, But you’re not that kind of guy. I thought you’d love me thick. I thought you’d love me thin, But you’re not that kind of guy. Darlin’ I can’t hide this feeling I’ve got inside, Darlin’ I can’t hide this feeling I’ve got inside... I thought you’d love me Sunday, I thought you’d love me Monday, But you’re not that kind of guy. I thought you’d love me soft, I thought you’d love me hard, Oh, you are that kind of guy. Darlin’ I can’t hide this feeling I’ve got inside, Darlin’ I can’t hide this feeling I’ve got inside... I thought you’d love me holy, I was your one and only, But you’re not that kind of guy. I thought she was your sister, Until I saw you kiss her, Oh, you are that kind of guy. Darlin’ I can’t hide this feeling I’ve got inside, Darlin’ I can’t hide this feeling I’ve got inside That you’re no longer mine, That you’re no longer mine, That you’re no longer mi-i-i-i-ine. That you’re no longer mine mine mine, That you’re no longer mine mine mine, That you’re no longer mine mine mine mine mine mine mine.
7.
YOU WANTED TO BE THE SHORE BUT INSTEAD YOU WERE THE SEA How could I have ever known The house I lived in was not a home? When I was a child I wanted to believe You were the shore, but instead you were the sea. It was not my fault, it’s not my fault, I’ll say it again, so I remember it was not my fault. How could I have ever known, When my compass was broken in the storm? I was so far West I couldn’t see The sun rising in the East. It was not my fault, it’s not my fault I’ll say it again, so I remember it was not my fault. If I was the sun you were the black cloud The cumulus gathering inside my mouth. If I was the sun you were the black cloud, The murder of crows, like rain coming down. Always there but never seen I was lost, adrift in the deep blue-green. It wasn’t about me it was about you, You were never there when I needed you. That’s the cold, blue feather of truth. It was not my fault, it’s not my fault, I’ll say it again, so I remember it was not my fault. If I was the sun you were the black cloud, The cumulus gathering inside my mouth. If I was the sun you were the black cloud, The murder of crows, like rain coming down. When I was a child I wanted to believe You were the shore, but instead you were the sea.
8.
GASOLINE & LIQUOR I’ve been driving this road so long, I don’t know when to stop. I’ve been running away so long, always wanting one more drop. I’ve been holding this bottle so long, I hear your name in every song. Oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo-oo, Gasoline and liquor, One came on fast, the other acted slow, Liquor and gasoline, One made me stay, the other helped you go. I’ve been sleeping alone so long, still reach out every night to feel your place, I’ve been in this desert so long, I know every constellation’s name, I’ve been pumping gas so long so long, I see your face in every car. Oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo-oo, Gasoline and liquor, One helped me lie, the other’s fool proof. Liquor and gasoline, One broke my heart, the old told the truth. Heard you’re out in Riverside, with a new guy and our oldest kid. I look at the locket of hair in my wallet, ask God forgiveness for what I did. Pour my whisky down the sink, pray it washes away my sin. Oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo-oo, Oo-oo-oo-oo, Gasoline and liquor. One came on fast, the other acted slow. Liquor and gasoline. One made me stay, the other helped you go.
9.
MOTHER OF EXILES Mother of exiles can you hold me Pull me to your breast Like a newborn baby? Mother of exiles can you sing me to sleep You are my sunshine You belong to me? Oh Oh Mama, Oh Oh Mama, Oo hoo ooo ooo With your silent lips you call to your poor, And your tired, all they’re yearning for. Mother of exiles can you hear me I lost my home, my family I’m a refugee? Mother of exiles can you feed me I hope I don’t choke On the American dream? Oh Oh Mama, Oh Oh Mama, Oo hoo ooo ooo With your silent lips you call to your poor, And your tired, all they’re yearning for. Mother of exiles Torch held high, I hear In America justice is blind. Mother of exiles can you wrap me in your flame? Keeper of lightning Burning the house down again. Oh Oh Mama, Oh Oh Mama, Oo hoo ooo ooo With your silent lips you call to your poor, And your tired, all they’re yearning for All they’re yearning for… All they’re yearning for… All they’re yearning for…
10.
Reasons 03:56
REASONS Does heaven need another angel? Does time really heal all pain? Does everything happen for a reason? Maybe we make the reasons to ease the pain. Is everything meant to be? Tell me is my baby in heaven? How can we believe in a God that would take such a delicate life? Who says we’re never given more than we can handle? ‘Cause I’ve been given too much far too many times, far too many times. Staring at the precipice, looking at beyond. We can see what we have missed, still we keep holding on, Holding on to what we have leave the rest behind. I’m beginning to understand we don’t forget or get over it We find a new way to carry these things inside ‘Cause we’re all broken little pieces of pottery Repaired with gold dust and glue to let in the light, to let in the light, to let in the light. Staring at the precipice, looking at beyond. We can see what we have missed, still we keep holding on, Holding on to what we have leave the rest behind. I can’t see beyond the horizon If you show me I can find a way I can’t see beyond this dark tunnel If you hand me a candle that will light the way, So I can find a way, So I can find a way Staring at the precipice, looking at beyond. We can see what we have missed, still we keep holding on, Holding on to what we have leave the rest behind. Leave it all behind, Leave it all behind, Leave it all behind.
11.
CUT YOUR HAIR When your heart gets broken, Cut your hair, paint it black. When you want to start again, Dye it red, bleach it blonde. So when he passes you on the street He will never know you once loved him. So when she passes you on the street She will never know you once loved her. When your heart gets broken, Iron it straight as Jo, get a permanent, When you want to start again, grow it long as Samson before it gets cut off. So when he passes you on the street He will never know you once loved him, So when she passes you on the street She will never know you once loved her. When you want to start again, cut your hair, cut your hair, When you want to start again, Shave it off, ‘til you’re stripped back like a baby. Shave it off Get rid of it all Start a fire Scorch the earth With gasoline Change the locks Leave in a cloud of dust, So when he passes you on the street He will never know you once loved him...
12.
Broken 04:57
BROKEN You came to me and said, “I am not enough, I am broken inside and can’t be loved,” And I said, “I will be a mirror, let’s look inside and see.” If people knew the thoughts in my head They would see I’m a record scratched beyond repair Why can’t I be happy? What’s wrong with me? What is broken inside you it is so beautiful, beautiful, so beau-ti-fu-u-ul, All the damage that’s been done Burns up and shines Like a fireball in the sky. I want you to fix me, I need you to complete me, Can’t you save me? Give me some sun. We are two broken bones, together we will mend as one. Honey you need to find your own light, We are like two trees, growing side by side, Reaching out our branches, together, for our own lives. What is broken inside you it is so beautiful, beautiful, so beau-ti-fu-u-ul, All the damage that’s been done Burns up and shines Like a fireball in the sky. There’s a temple in Thailand Built from shattered little pieces of pottery. There’s two buildings in New York Replaced with shining shining shining shining, Shining shining shining shin-i-ing light. What I see is beauty in your vulnerability As the tears roll down your face Your openness, your brokenness it brings me to my knees Because what is broken and shattered into tiny little pieces inside you... It is so beautiful, beautiful, so beautiful… It is so beautiful, beautiful, so beautiful… It is so beautiful, beautiful, so beautiful…

credits

released September 30, 2020

All songs by Natalie D-Napoleon except “Gasoline & Liquor” (Natalie D-Napoleon & Brett Leigh Dicks) © APRA/AMCOS.

Natalie D-Napoleon - vocals and acoustic guitars | Jim Connolly - bass, backing vocals and arrangements | Dan Phillips - piano, celesta, cajon, percussion and backing vocals | Doug Pettibone - electric guitar, mandolin and pedal steel | Jesse Rhodes - additional instrumentation | Freya Phillips - backing vocals | Susan Marie Reeves - backing vocals | Hazel Chevitarese - backing vocals | Laura Heminway - piano accordion | Angus Cooke - cello |

The tracks on this album were recorded live with one mic at Deane Chapel, Santa Barbara. These sessions were engineered by Jim Connolly, except Cut Your Hair, which was recorded at Sprial Studio.

Additional parts recorded by Jesse Rhodes at Spiral Studio, Santa Barbara, California, Dave Jenkins at Beach Blanket Bingo Studios, Oxnard and Dan Phillips at The Construction Zone, Goleta.

Mixing by Jesse Rhodes and Dan Phillips.
Mastered by Dave Locke of JP Mastering.

Produced by Jim Connolly & Natalie D-Napoleon.

Cover photography and design by Brett Leigh Dicks. ©
Cover concept by Brett Leigh Dicks and Natalie D-Napoleon.

Natalie would like to thank Jim Connolly, Dan Phillips and Dave Cowan for playing these songs with me live and helping form the genesis of these arrangements, in particular Jim “Chet” Connolly for his work on final arrangements and song edits; John Mooy, my guitar tech; the three songwriters of the 3WATT songwriting workshop; Eliza Gilkyson, Mary Gauthier and Gretchen Peters. The folks in the Bushwick Bookclub - thanks for “Gasoline & Liquor”!, Richard of Iynegar Yoga Studio Santa Barbara, Trader Joe’s for the snacks, Los Arroyos for the burritos, John Hawkes of Hound Dog House Concerts; Peggie Jones of Sings Like Hell; Roy Donkin of Cambridge Drive Concerts; Phil and Angela Watt for their generous support; Darian and Mike for always showing up; Marcus Chevitarese, Mel Owen, Thomas Theravin, and Danielle for watching my son Samuel while I made music; and finally, Anne Chevitarese for tea and sympathy, my dad for teaching me how to sing with all my heart and Brett Leigh Dicks for making everything better the second time around.

“Is it strange to say love is a language
Few practice, but all, or near all speak?”
- Tracy K. Smith (poet)

To all those who come to shows, buy music, bring your friends
and spread the word, I see you and I thank you.

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Natalie D-Napoleon Santa Barbara, California

Natalie D-Napoleon is an Australian-American singer-songwriter and poet who formed a US-based trio with Kenny Edwards (Linda Ronstadt) and Dan Phillips. Natalie’s latest album, You Wanted to Be the Shore But Instead You Were the Sea, was recorded with one mic in a hundred year old chapel and features Phillips along with James Connolly (Van Dyke Parkes) and Doug Pettibone (Lucinda Williams). ... more

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